The One Golden Rule to Help Your Fussy Eater

Having a picky or fussy eater can be very frustrating. You want to feed your child a healthy diet but they’re really selective and refuse to eat fruit or vegetables. It may feel that you’re powerless to help them, but there are lots of things that you can do to help your picky eater.

Clearly you need to feed them a healthy diet but beyond that, the number one rule is to allow them to be in control of what goes into their mouths.

The First Thing Children Learn to Control is Feeding

Let me elaborate a little bit.

If we have a look at children when they are babies, when they're tiny and very small, the first thing that they get control of is obviously their mouth.

They get control of feeding.

Next they get control of their hands and they start to see their hands, work out that their hands belong to them and gradually realise they can actually control their hands.

What is the first thing babies do with their hands?

They bring them to their mouth and they put anything they can into their mouth.

Allow Children to Control What Goes into Their Mouths

The first thing that children gain control of is what goes into their mouths.

Children should always maintain that control and be the person who decides what goes into their mouth.

Throughout childhood and into adulthood.

Before you all start shouting, "My children are only ever going to eat chocolate or spaghetti bolognese or bread sandwiches." I have four children. I know exactly what you are talking about.

Letting children be in control of what goes into their mouth does not mean that they get to choose what they eat all the time.

Yes, they do get to choose, but they get to choose from the food that you offer them.

Related: Four Easy Changes to Teach Your Kids Healthy Eating Habits for Life

The Division Of Responsibility

The Division of Responsibility is a phrased coined by Ellyn Satter, who is a pediatric dietician.

Parents are in control of what they offer, that healthy food and all those healthy food options.

Sometimes you do need to put some thought into what you’re going to offer. You might want to offer extra vegetables because you know your kids aren’t too keen on them. Or you might want to steer them away from bread sandwiches with a side of pasta.

You do need to think about the nutritional value of what you are offering them.

Adults Control What Foods They Offer Kids

Adults, we are in control of what we offer and children are in control of what they want to eat out of what we offer.

Kids get to decide how much they want to eat and whether they want to eat at all.

If they don't want to eat, that is absolutely fine.

What's the worse that happens? They go hungry until the next healthy eating opportunity. (And you worry that they’ll stay up all night.)

We Can Help Children Feel in Control of What they Eat

Not only do we as parents want to allow children to feel in control we also want them to genuinely be in control.

There are lots of ways to help your child feel in control of what they are eating.

The number one thing that I see parents doing is verbally pushing or emotionally pushing their children to eat things. This may be in the form of the one bite rule.

“Have bite one small bite it.”

It may even go a little bit further.

Perhaps a bit of bribery.

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you won't get your dessert."

That's even worse, because you're bribing them with food which gives the message that we eat as a reward rather than to satisfy our hunger.

It also builds up an expectation that children should eat things which is not genuinely allowing them to be in control.

We Want to Nurture Healthy Eating Habits

We want children to eat healthy. We went them to eat fruit and vegetables and less junk food.

But, we don't get there by pressurizing them to eat.

This is our objective: when we have stopped standing over them, "Go and eat your peas, eat your peas, eat your carrots," they will actually carry on choosing healthy options.

If we pressure them not only do we decrease the chance of them actually eating them, but the moment we stop they will eat what they want.

The only way we can really teach them to love these foods is to allow them to explore them themselves and to try them willingly.

Related: How to Get Your Toddler Eat More Vegetables

How Do You Get Kids To Really Like Healthy Food Options?

My big, big secret, my big number one thing that if you have a picky eater or a fussy eater is not to pressure your children.

Allow your children to be in control of what goes in their mouth and allow that control to be genuine.

I know, this takes patience. It might mean you looking at your emotions as well and working out why you really, really want your child to eat that food.

I know. I get it. You've spent hours laboring over something. You really do want them to eat it. But why, other than the wasted time? I know we have this inbuilt desire to feed our children. Sometimes it goes beyond that. Sometimes there can be other reasons why we want our children to eat. Sometimes we need to train ourselves to see those and to stop.

Allow Children to Be In Control of What they Put in their Mouths

When we allow our children to be in control and genuinely offer them healthy choices, that is the best chance that we can get of our children growing up to be healthy eaters.

I know that that isn't a guarantee. It is the best chance that we have.

The majority of children do grow out of picky eating and fussy eating.

Obviously, not everybody does. Lots and lots of children do.

If they aren't going to grow out of it, you aren't going to make them grow out of it by pushing them.

Actually, you're going to make the situation worse. There's lots of evidence that shows that pushing people actually makes the situation worse. Even worse than that, it leads to things like eating disorders and emotional eating, which we definitely don't want.

Happy Healthy Eating for Kids Challenge

If you’d like some support, we’re finding fun and easy ways to turn healthy eating in habits. Come and Join the Challenge.